Untitled - Undisguised

This blog is all about a man. A man I love.

That's right. That's what I said. A man I love.

It's okay. Let it work through your brain. Now, I don't want to have any sort of physical intimacy with this man, but I love him all the same.

A shock of shaggy blonde hair and a smile, or the flawless high-pitched wail of a rocker is all it takes to remind me -

I love a man named Jarad.

You may ask yourself why? Well, the truth is its for mostly selfish reasons. I love him for who he is, and how that person makes me feel about me.

For starters, he's my armor. I may not have displayed in much in this blog (for good reason, dear readers who are no longer paying attention), but I can be a little dark, even fatalistic. Not for fashion's sake, or to create a persona. Sometimes I'm drowning in tar, with the stuff that coats blacktop roads filling my head. Time and again, more times than I had any right to deserve, he reached in for me. At times, too, I'm a bastard who doesn't grab his hand. But I know he'll keep reaching in for me.

When he does, and I've just accepted the fact that the world is full of inky, black foulness, it reminds me that it isn't. He reminds me that my innards aren't made of that disgusting stuff. He reminds me that I'm not a monster, but a human being. Getting me to believe that, in and of itself, is an accomplishment. It never lasts, but days, even weeks, I can surround myself with his words of honest concern, genuine affection. An armor against all enemies foreign and domestic.

So, why else do I love him? Cause the boy can sing. Everybody can sing, really. Not everybody trusts their own voice, or knows it. Jarad unflinchingly knows his voice, and, unashamed, sounds his YAWP over the rooftops of the world (stole that from Walt Whitman, nonetheless applicable). But that's not the only thing about his voice. It can see to the emotions of people, sometimes when they themselves do not realize it. It is sometimes wrong, but it is never dishonest. It is sometimes flawed, but it is never with the worst of intentions. He is an honorable man, yet human. He is one of the most heartrending writers I've ever read, injecting the genuine feel and pain of a scene that only needs to involve two people. If you know anything, you should know how much drama can exist between two people, romantically linked or otherwise.

And let's talk romance for a moment - keeping in my mind my absolute lack of interest in him sexually in any possible way, shape, form, or interpretation (unless I were Gay. Then I'd stalk him.)

He is the only man I know who traveled a thousand miles away from home for love. I'll say that again, because we're all so jaded. He's the ONLY man I know who traveled a thousand miles away from home for love. He's also the only man I know who would seriously consider it. As an emotional shut in, I've dreamed of being able to, or knowing someone for whom I would do that.

Above all, I can say I'm proud of him. I'm proud of the person he is. I'm proud to be called his friend. I'm proud to say I consider him like a brother. I'm proud that he's never afraid to tell you exactly how he feels at the risk of his own embarrasment, or offending others. Mind you, he does not do so with no thought for discretion.

I'm proud to know a man who left everything he knew for a new place, and came out of the other side stronger, wiser, smarter. I'm proud to model myself as best I can on his strength and honesty. I'm proud, most of all, to say these things about someone, and have him being the person I say them about.

He is my business partner, he is my creative equal, he is my friend, he is my big brother. I love a man named Jarad.